Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
- I wondered how the will be take its toll in the US.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
- No
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
- I don’t think so.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
- Movie reviewers.
- I think the audience is correct for this profile.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the explanation of the plot of the whole movie.
b. “ one of the biggest blockbuster”
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
- Main point: to evaluate the movie
- Thesis: With a title The Empress and the Warriors one cannot stop from thinking that this will be an epic war film. Set in ancient China when it was composed of ten warring states, a warrior-princess must carry out her duty in leading a nation while fighting to for personal romantic fulfillment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
- yes.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO (yes) Par. 5 YES NO (yes)
Par. 2 YES NO (yes) Par. 6 YES NO (yes)
Par. 3 YES NO (yes) Par. 7 YES NO (yes)
Par. 4 YES NO (yes) Par. 8 YES NO (yes)
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: I think you went too much of the summary of the movie, even though it explains the 5 Ws and H.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
- the fact interesting was the fact that the subtitles were not well written.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
- Yes.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
-Yes.
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
-Yes.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments: I think you can better job expanding on your conclusion by stating more of your opinion.
nalis074 said,
May 2, 2008 at 8:35 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name: Betim Efendija
Peer’s name: Nadib Al-Islam
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
- I wondered how the will be take its toll in the US.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
- No
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
- I don’t think so.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
- Movie reviewers.
- I think the audience is correct for this profile.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the explanation of the plot of the whole movie.
b. “ one of the biggest blockbuster”
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
- Main point: to evaluate the movie
- Thesis: With a title The Empress and the Warriors one cannot stop from thinking that this will be an epic war film. Set in ancient China when it was composed of ten warring states, a warrior-princess must carry out her duty in leading a nation while fighting to for personal romantic fulfillment.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
- yes.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO (yes) Par. 5 YES NO (yes)
Par. 2 YES NO (yes) Par. 6 YES NO (yes)
Par. 3 YES NO (yes) Par. 7 YES NO (yes)
Par. 4 YES NO (yes) Par. 8 YES NO (yes)
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: I think you went too much of the summary of the movie, even though it explains the 5 Ws and H.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
- the fact interesting was the fact that the subtitles were not well written.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
- Yes.
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
-Yes.
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
-Yes.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments: I think you can better job expanding on your conclusion by stating more of your opinion.